


When the Pain Runs Deep

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Natasha Romanov, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-11-02 01:16:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20572583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Natasha’s inner demons have shown up to play and they're winning the game.





	When the Pain Runs Deep

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote a long time ago so it definitely doesn’t fit my writing style now but I figured I should post it. I hope you enjoy!

Natasha always knows when it's starting to get worse. She always knows when the void is getting ready to consume her and leave her as an empty shell. She always knows.

  
So the first time Natasha notices it's starting to happen after getting into a relationship with Wanda, she panics. Freaks out and tries to hide it. Because Wanda can't know. She can't know because she'll leave and think Natasha’s a freak. That's what so many others have done.  
But all the signs are there. They're coming in strong and fast. Natasha starts getting irritated easily. Really easily. Easy enough that they have their first huge fight because Natasha is irritable and looking to yell. And she starts to have trouble sleeping. She's constantly tired. Then, Natasha doesn't want to do anything. Even watching TV seems like too much work. Uses too much energy that she doesn't have. She loses her appetite, as well. Eating is also too much work.

  
The entire time, the emptiness is starting to fill her chest. She aches to feel anything but empty, sad, or alone. It starts to fog up her brain and soon takes over her entire body. She barely wants to move. Barely can move. Natasha always hates this part the most. The ache that comes from within and threatens to break her apart.  
It progresses. It gets worse and worse until Natasha can't hide it anymore. She's stopped going to the weekly Movie Nights in the common room (goes biweekly now) and has stopped all other socializing. She barely ever smiles. For real, that is. Because to everybody else, Natasha is always smirking, having fun, or joking around. It's all a mask, though. A mask hiding the hideous monster trying to claw it's way out.

  
Natasha is pretty sure nobody notices, she is a superspy after all, but Wanda does. Wanda sees the way she doesn't sleep, just stares at the wall or the ceiling. She doesn't even blink. Just stares and stares and stares. Wanda sees the way Natasha doesn't eat much, can barely bring the fork to her mouth, much less chew the food. And she sees how Natasha pretends to read but really just stares at the pages, eyes unmoving, as if she's not actually seeing the words. Wanda is pretty sure that's not too far from the truth.

  
But Wanda doesn't know what to do. She thinks that she might just be paranoid and, if she isn't, that Natasha will come and talk to her. But she doesn't, she just aches and feels empty. Wanda shouldn’t be surprised because Natasha has spent her whole life hiding her emotions but she still is.

  
Soon, Natasha has completely stopped going to Game Night. Wanda can't remember the last time they've went on a date, let alone been intimate. Natasha is only eating dinner now. It takes too much energy to eat more than once a day. She's losing weight, as per usual. Not enough to be terribly noticeable, but enough to drop her a size in jeans. Natasha is stifling yawns constantly and there's so much makeup under her eyes, it's hard to tell if she actually has skin under all of it.

  
Wanda notices, though. She watches silently as her girlfriend gets worse, until one day she speaks up. Steps up to the plate and confronts the person drowning right in front of her. The person drowning in her own emptiness.

  
Wanda finds Natasha curled up on the couch, staring at the wall. She doesn't even make the effort to look like she's doing something and barely turns her head to look at the younger woman. When she does, it's slow and tired. The look Natasha gives her is enough to break Wanda’s heart and make her rush over to the tiny assassin immediately.

  
"Oh, babe." Wanda has her arms around Natasha in seconds and she falls apart in her arms. She chokes out sobs and grips onto her girlfriend like she's all she has has left. Natasha cries until she's even emptier than she started. But somehow, just barely, she feels a little bit better. Because Wanda is there to wipe her tears away and wrap her shuddering body in the softest blanket she can find.

  
And when Natasha is finally done crying, she sniffles, a very undignified sniffle, and curls into Wanda’s side like she’s her lifeline. Natasha thinks maybe she is. “I need help,” she admits quietly, eyes downcast and still watery.  
Wanda squeezes her even tighter and kisses the top of her head softly. “I know, babe,” she whispers into her hair, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I would love to hear any feedback you have!


End file.
